Do you want to become a better man?

How can you improve your life and yourself?

I tend to find that many men begin asking themselves this question after a big negative life event, like a breakup, getting cheated on, failing to reach your goals, or getting fired.

I’ll take you through a few ways that you can become a better man in life, but I’d also urge you to reach out to me and share your story.

It doesn’t matter how old you are or what you’re going through. Throughout history, other people have gone through the same or similar things. You can take comfort in this, knowing that you’re not alone.

It might seem hopeless and you might not even fully believe some of the advice that you’ve read out there, but I promise, if you follow what I teach, you’ll become a better man.

1. Define what a “better” man means to you

All too often, we use the wrong words and terminology when trying to seek solutions to our problems.

Before I launch into the practical ways that you can improve yourself and your life, I first want you to really think about what it means to be a “better man.”

Do you want to be more masculine?

Do you want to achieve more? 

Do you want to make your spouse or kids happier? 

Your vision of being a “better man” is going to be different from the next person. The advice you’re seeking out might sound great, but not help you with your core problem.

When I was 18, I wanted to grow into much more complete man.

For me, this included getting good with girls, having my own business, having outwardly masculine traits, and to have a fit body.

2. Accept Your Role in Society

Both men and women have very particular roles in society.

Sometimes, the lines are blurred. There are always exceptions to the norm. But, for the most part, these roles speak to the core of masculine and feminine energy, as is talked about in David Deida’s book, The Way of the Superior Man.

To get the the root of YOUR VALUE as a man, we need to remove all of the “noise” that keeps us from clearly seeing what you bring to other people’s lives and what you bring to various social situations.

These are some examples of noise:

• Movies you’ve seen that caused you to believe “I guess this is how it is.”
• Things other men have told you about your value, like your father, friends, or coworkers.
• Things females have told you about a man’s value. These could be female friends, lovers, girlfriends, or even your mother.
• Social media quotes, gifs, or memes that influence how you think about your role as a man.

Many men will adopt beliefs that do not serve them in their quest to be a better man. Our goal is to remove ALL influences on your thoughts, which have formed your beliefs up until this point.

As a man, you have multiple roles in life. These could include:

• Father
• Boyfriend
• Husband
• Leader
• Boss
• Employee
• Friend, etc.

In each of these roles, other people will expect different things from you. These create the expectations of you, as a man, and thus control your behavior to a certain degree.

It’s helpful to think of EACH situation differently. The way you behave with your family is different than how you’d behave with your boss or employees. The same goes for the expectations on you.

While each situation is different, there are commonalities in each of these situations when it comes to your value, which I’ll be covering below.

Your value in society comes from your:

• Problem solving skills
• Access to resources (like money)
• Grounded emotions and ability to regulate other’s emotions
• Power (ability to get your way, influence others, shape society)
• Leadership and sense of direction
• Social skills that allow you to form allies
• Appeal to the opposite sex
• Strength of your beliefs, thoughts, and convictions
• Lack of neediness.
• Willingness to ignore your emotions to accomplish tasks
• Integrity, keeping your word, dependability
• Potential to be violent (if you choose to)
• Acting quickly and confidently on your thoughts or emotions (aggressive).
• Resilience and perseverance.

This is a long list, and I will be covering a few of these, in particular, how to improve them. A lot of these traits sync up with how anyone would define a “masculine” man.

Your value does NOT primarily come from:

• Your looks (though looks could contribute to confidence)
• Nurturing or empathetic qualities
• Capacity to love
• Tenderness and compassion
• Submissiveness to others or points of view

Now… qualities like the capacity to love are REQUIRED in certain roles, like relationships and raising children.

However, things like nurturing and empathetic emotions will hinder you in other roles, like going into battle to defend your country and protecting your family.

Due to the society we live in, we don’t need to do things like hunt for our food, protect ourselves from predators, or build shelter. We’ve created a system that provides us these things.

One of the byproducts of this system is that many men have not had the evolutionary pressure needed to improve some of these traits.

Why would you keep your word, when it’s not a life or death situation? This is one reason more men are flaky now a days.

If you don’t need allies to survive, why improve your social skills? If you look at certain societies like Japan, men can become hyper-introverted and focused on their work, to the degradation of their masculine social skills.

The issue is that society has quickly changed the evolutionary pressures that were once put upon us. However, our core emotions have not caught up with these changes. It takes a long time for the primitive wiring of the human brain to change.

We can feel the same level of fear with regards to stupid things that we might have felt in caveman days when a Tiger was charging at us. These emotions are largely unfounded and in our own head.

Overall, when a men is not in-line with their true nature, it leads to unhappiness and a feeling like “I should be more” or “I’m not my best self.”

3. Identify The Traits You’re Not Good At

Now that you have a list of the traits that make up a man who is of value to those around him, it’s time to identify the things you’re good at and not so good at.

Once you do this, we will actively work to improve on those traits where you’re struggling, and maintain the ones that you already have.

For example, like many young guys, when I was growing up I didn’t have any clue how the world worked. Therefore, I didn’t have very much confidence in my thoughts or conclusions.

I would look to other people for a better sense of “what is normal,” “how to behave” or what you’re “supposed to do” at a particular stage of life.

This tendency led to a lack of confidence, and therefore decreased my overall value as a man. If you can be easily talked into something or persuaded of something, then you don’t have very strong convictions.

Often times, this comes from a feeling that you “don’t really know” who you are or what you want. You also might suffer from low self-esteem, mistakenly believing that other people’s thoughts, feelings, or value is greater than yours.

This lack of self-esteem tends to be based in fear. Fear of not fitting in, not having friends, or not being liked by other people.

Once you identify where you’re lacking, you can begin to take steps to improve this area of your life!

4. Why A Man’s Value Increases With Age

It’s almost guaranteed that your value will increase as you age.

For those that commit to self-improvement, the growth is drastic. However, even for the average man, there is an appreciation in societal value over time.

Have you ever noticed how girls tend to love older guys?

What about how boys tend to look up to older masculine guys?

Understanding why this happens is crucial, because it underscores how you can become a better man TODAY.

Here’s the reason why it happens. A man’s value increases as he ages BECAUSE he naturally grows to have stronger masculine traits.

With age comes:

• Life experience. This leads to a confidence and strong convictions.
• Confronting challenges. Your problem solving abilities improve.
• Difficult emotional events. You stop being emotionally reactive and learn to handle your emotions
• Earning power. More money = more resources.
• Social skills. You must talk with people outside of your core circle. You must negotiate things, buy things, persuade others, and get what you want.
• Social status. With more of the above, you’ll naturally have a higher social status.
• Power. As you gain resources and communication abilities, you could also grow in power.
• Emotional stability. A man with a family or wife has a core source of emotional stability. He doesn’t need anyone’s approval.

All of the traits that make a man attractive to a woman or valuable to other men in society correlate with his age.

The cool thing is that you don’t have to wait to get old to begin to work on these qualities. You can consciously work on things, like your social skills, and thereby quickly become a better man and reap the benefits.

You also don’t need to hit all of the traits that I mentioned to excel. It really depends on what you want to be or what your goals are.

For example, a stoner with no life and a lackadaisical music career can be extremely attractive to a woman, but have zero value to someone in a position of power.

If you wanted to amass more power, you’d be more likely to cater to someone who has money or power already.

5. Make a Commitment to Self-Improvement

You can’t just read these words and expect things to change. You must also make a conscious commitment to get better!

The first step is to contact me and let me know what area you’re struggling in.

Next, you’re going to want to begin to explore books that will help you develop the skills that you’re lacking. You could listen to audio books, podcasts, or even watch YouTube videos.

Below, I’ve linked to a video that I put together that talks about some of these masculine traits and how to embody them.

Hope you enjoyed this article! If you like the vid, take a sec to subscribe on YouTube