When I was little, 25 years old sounded SO OLD. You’re actually an adult. You have real responsibilities. How weird!

Now that I am 25, it doesn’t seem all that old. But, when I stop to think about it, I’ve certainly grown. I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons. I feel much older than I actually am.

I want to capture some of the wisdom that I’ve accumulated thus far in my life, along with my thoughts and mindset.

This will be cool to look back on, but I also think that some of my realizations might help other people in their 20s and teens who are struggling to figure out who they are, what they want, and how to get those things.

Ever since I was little, I wanted to be significant. There were times when I wanted to be like Alexander the Great, conquering an empire. I looked up to authors like Hemingway and Shakespeare who were idolized. I wanted my words to stand the test of time and for my name to be forever in the history books.

I always wanted to be somebody. Someone noteworthy who was known for something BIG.

Even when I got into business, I fantasied about being the next Steve Jobs or Warren Buffet and earning respect, fame, and a place in the history of the world.

Quite frankly, these beliefs that some day I am going to be someone noteworthy has made it much easier to take big risks, like starting a company right out of college or moving to NYC with no job and no money.

When you read so many stories about billionaires dropping out of school or taking big chances, it only seems natural that if you want to be in that club some day, that you too must do these things (whether or not that’s true).

Most people don’t know that I’ve tried to start 4 different companies before I landed on one that worked out.

But, there are other reasons why I think I’ve seen results in this area of my life.

Don’t worry, I’m not gloating. Believe it or not, I’m going to share why this mentality has been so destructive later in this post.

Anyway, growing up, I had good friends, was good at sports, and got good grades. But, I was never great at anything.

There was always someone smarter than me, much more popular than me, and better at sports than me. It always caused a lot of inner resentment and anger.

Whenever I told people things like I wanted a six pack, defined muscles, or that I wanted to be a millionaire some day, I’d never be taken seriously. It would make me furious, probably because I was seeking support or acknowledgement.

What I’ve come to realize is that these feelings of “not being enough” have played quite largely into my value system as an adult. Anger, the need to prove myself, and the compulsion to get the independence and respect that I craved has been a huge driving force.

Almost all of my pursuits have been outside of school. Whether it was programming, writing, psychology, exercise, speaking, or learning business and investing, I always threw myself into the passion.

I’ve always had to learn on my own, figure out the tricks, and get results. It’s led to a lot of confidence and in some cases, arrogance.

I do think it’s healthy to pursue your passions. However, I also think that for me, there is a bit of a compulsive element to it. I have this deep seated need to get results in certain areas of my life, depending on what I’m focusing on.

In some ways, extreme focus is good. In other ways, it hurts the areas of your life that don’t fall under that microscope.

Overall, the reason I wanted to share a bit of my value system growing up is because it’s changed a lot in the last year.

Let’s get into some of the things I’ve learned.

1. Emotions are different than logic, and are MORE important.

As a man, you’re taught to ignore your emotions. Years ago, I would quite simply only focus on the results I wanted in my life and ignore any emotions that didn’t contribute to the process towards getting those results.

I would literally ignore my emotions.

I distinctly remember answering a question to my girlfriend at my time being like, “I don’t care about being happy. I want ____.”

Part of me did realize that adopting this mentality was a required short-term self-delusion device that I’d need in order to accomplish certain goals. But, I also would sometimes buy into that delusion haha.

It reminds me of this quote. “Your brain is made to make you survive, not make you happy.”

The quality of your life = the quality of your emotions. You’re only seeking to acquire or accomplish things in order to obtain a certain emotion.

That emotion could be feeling like you’re enough, feeling happiness, feeling envied, or whatever else. Often times, people are also just trying to avoid certain emotions.

This year, I’ve been working hard to:

• Identify the emotions I’m feeling
• Figure out techniques to change my emotional state
• Be aware of the emotions other people are feeling
• Reading body language, facial expressions, social cues, etc.
• Writing down the bad habits I have and the emotions that cause them

It might seem strange, but I’ve also had to focus and learn how to express emotions that I’m feeling, like happiness or confidence through my face, tone of voice, and body language.

It also probably seems odd, but I’ve had to stop myself and identify the emotions I’m feeling and how that might be influencing my body language or the vibe I’m putting out.

I’ll be like, “Oh, I’m feeling anger right now.” Then I’ll ask why and shift my point of view or focus, change that emotional state, and be happy again.

In the last few years, a lot of this has led to success with dating and such, but also with business in terms of podcasting and now YouTube.

I’ve learned how to influence how other people around me feel, simply by the energy I put out.

Often times now when I’m in a situation, I’ll ask myself what metric I’m trying to maximize.

If I’m trying to maximize fun or likability, I’ll focus on the emotional side of my brain. Humor, storytelling, being in the moment, etc. If I’m trying to maximize something work-related, I’ll focus on the rational side of my brain and kill all emotion until the task is done. It really helps with discipline and not wasting time.

Ultimately, understanding and influencing the emotions you’re feeling and those of the people around you is more important than logic.

However, logic will get you the achievements you’re seeing from a strategic standpoint.

2. Each area of life is different.

I used to think that certain achievements led way to other achievements, but more often than not, they don’t.

For example, as man, you might think that by becoming “successful” and having a lot of money, you’ll be able to easily attract a beautiful woman.

WRONG. A beautiful woman isn’t attracted to money or success from an objective standpoint.

They’re attracted to the perceived emotions and behaviors that come with a man who has these things. That could be confidence, self-awareness, not being self-conscious, etc.

A woman falls in love with you because of how you make her FEEL.

An immature woman (or man) might be infatuated with you due to your perceived social value in the overall hierarchy, but real connection/love isn’t based on that, in my opinion. Though, it will certainly generate attraction.

Anyway, the thing is though, not every man who has those “achievements” also has the accompanying emotions and behaviors.

Just because you acquire a good amount of money, fame, or something else doesn’t mean that you’ll then get the family life you’re craving, the girl you’re looking for, or even deep and long-lasting happiness.

Haha, marketers like me might try to convince you of that so that you’ll buy a product, but it’s not true.

The secret is that you can achieve success in an area like romance by “skipping” the perceived checklist items that society tries to force on you.

You don’t have to be rich or good looking. You can have lots of success that would blow your mind simply by embodying the same traits of those sought after individuals.

Similarly, you don’t have to be rich to feel rich.

I have a business now where I can travel, live on the beach and sip margaritas, or go snowboarding.

I don’t really have to work for money. I have income-producing assets that support my lifestyle.

(of course then, things wouldn’t grow)

Rather than amassing a huge sum of money and one day retiring when you’re 50 or finally being able to travel the world when you’re 40, you can structure your life to do that now.

You can live a luxurious lifestyle without actually being rich. You just need income that is independent from time and location.

The funny thing is that even if you have success with your income, dating, and body/exercise, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be happy.

It doesn’t mean that you’ll have great friendships or an amazing family life.

Each area of life is different. You have to succeed in each of them.

Seeing success in some areas does make it easier to succeed in others, but it’s not a guarantee.

That’s why you see so few people winning in each area. Usually, they’ll be killing it in business and have a bad relationship with their spouse, or have a great family, but feel like they never really made something of their life or accomplished anything.

Success in all areas is hard! I admire anyone who is able to structure that kind of life.

3. Everything worthwhile is outside of mainstream views.

Society has totally sculpted and influenced my views in every area of my life. I’ve come to realize that if you want to be “above average” in any area of your life, you pretty much have to go outside of the mainstream consciousness.

Mainstream values, thoughts, and beliefs are there for a reason. They’re created to maximize compliance and to keep a large group of people in order.

Society wouldn’t be able to function if people stopped buying things they don’t need. If everyone tried to be an entrepreneur, or if people stopped eating fast food, the economy would collapse.

The mainstream is there for a good reason. It keeps society working. Not everyone can have a job they love.

However, if you’re looking for above-average results in any area of your life, you have to identify the beliefs that have been given to you by society, reject them, and re-form your belief system based on people who are getting the results you want.

That’s why I read so many books about successful entrepreneurs when I was first getting started. I wanted to copy their mindset and how they thought, because it was SO DIFFERENT from anyone else I’d ever encountered.

A different “operating system” will yield different results.

Counting calories seems strange and weird right?

Why would you count the number of calories that goes into your mouth?

Why would you use a scale to measure the weight of chicken that you’re about to eat for dinner?

It’s not normal!!!

Am I right?

But…….isn’t it kinda funny that when you look at people who are building their body for a living, they don’t consider it strange at all?

In fact, it’s a no-brainer to them. It would be stupid not to.

Everything worthwhile is outside of mainstream views.

4. Your only job is to figure out who you are

I find it remarkable how similar and dissimilar we all are. This even goes for the huge differences between men and women (Yes, there is a difference. You’re an idiot if you say otherwise).

News flash, not everyone is like you, and that’s a good thing.

I’m sure you’ve already realized it, but most people don’t follow up with that conclusion. If there ARE people out there with similar brains as yours, you should learn from them AND people who are dissimilar from you.

I’ve seen the most results when I’ve learned from people who are most similar to me in terms of what they’re good at, how they learn, what they want, etc.

These are all very simple questions, but are hard to answer:

• What makes you happy?
• What makes you feel worthless, depressed, or angry?
• What are you good at?
• What are you not good at?

The more that I’ve mapped out my own operating system, the easier it’s been to build a life that I want, rather than a life that I think would make me happy, which I’ve been sold by the news or other people.

Don’t let anyone influence you. If you like something, own up about it, even if it’s controversial.

I’m working to know how I respond to things, what I value, what I’m good/bad at, and be 100% okay with every one of those answers.

I know I don’t have to be a millionaire to be happy. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be.

Oddly enough, the more I’ve come to understand myself, the easier it’s been to succeed in key areas, like business.

I think that I’m going to continue to study personal development until the day I die. At the end of the day, it’s the only part of life that really matters.

The degree to which you can understand and manage yourself and your own emotions influences how much you can contribute to others and how happy you can make others.

And, lastly, it goes without saying but I’ve learned that all of my results and everything I want in life is derived from influencing or affecting others in a positive way.

By helping people accomplish results they want or get the emotions they’re after, you’ll end up getting what you want.