2015 has been an amazing year for me. Okay, maybe I say that about every year, because I try to put a positive spin on everything!

But seriously I think that 2015 marks a huge growth stage in my life. Not only did I continue to grow my business, but I also grew emotionally and intellectually this year.

For those of you who don’t remember, I started out the beginning of the year with a rough patch.

I was knocked down by life and had to get back on my feet and fight back!

Oddly enough, I think that’s exactly what I needed. Not only did I fight back, but I expanded my comfort zone in ways that I didn’t think possible and I embraced a new life philosophy which has led to more happiness!

My biggest takeaways with regards to friendships and relationships are:

You must provide value to other people in your personal life, not just business. Add value to other people’s lives. Be funny, inspiring, witty, fun, or give them the emotions that they desire (like feeling heard/understood).

There is no greater pleasure than making someone else’s night a blast or giving them an immense feeling of happiness. People seldom remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

Never seek validation. When I was younger, I would seek validation with regards to my own abilities, looks, personality, job, etc. Validation comes from a place of neediness and uncertainty. True confidence and a feeling of self-worth is internal.

It will never be sustainably generated by people who tell you that you’re doing good or bad (yes, it makes a big difference for children though). While I still celebrate achievements or experiences and share them because I’m proud, it’s never for a validation of self worth. Of course, I do still sometimes slip back into this error.

Own your masculinity (for men) and what you want in life. Too often, as men, we are taught by society to be nice to everyone, appeal to everyone, and tone down our natural instincts with regards to women or our competitive nature (“be a team player”). Out of 100 people, I would rather have 10 people fervently like me for who I am, rather than 90 who kinda sort like me, because I seem nice. Also, I wouldn’t hesitate to win against those 100 people in order to get what I want, even if it makes them angry.

I think that being a man means understanding the differences between men and women, and understanding what some men or women say they want vs. what they actually want.

A big part of my growth this year was breaking down my understanding of society, as was taught to me mainly by the media, other humans, and movies, and rebuilding a more accurate picture of it in my brain, based on my own conclusions.

I don’t know if this is the same for other people, but for me, when I have a very clear picture of what I think reality is, what society is like, and what the truth is, then I come from a place of extreme confidence.

It’s the kind of confidence that you have when, for example, you understand the rules of the game, like chess, and also the best strategies to win it. Still getting there, but much more confident in this area of my life.

These moments will not always be here. It sucks, but, your best friends are going to change over time. People move. The circumstances in life change. You have to enjoy every moment that you have with the people that you care about. At the end of the day, money, fame, or your goals don’t compare with great memories with your friends and family.

Be consciously aware of your tools to communicate. Communication is obviously a huge part of relationships, but most people only use one tool: their voice.

They don’t consciously use their voice’s pitch, tone, or volume to rouse emotions in other people.

In addition, they rarely think about using their body language or actions to rouse emotions in others.

Personally, I communicate best via written word.

I think that some people’s thoughts and feelings naturally sync up with their facial muscles and body better than others.

For someone like me, I could be feeling very happy or very sad and I simply don’t show it on my face or in my body language. I could be feeling confident or not confident, and it won’t naturally show in my face or body language.

This year, I’ve been more aware of using every communication tool at my disposal to arouse emotions in others or convey emotions that I’m feeling (how robotic does that sound? haha).

Always be the rock. What I mean by that is, everyone around us is going to be fluctuating in terms of emotions and views. Some people are actually quite illogical in their views or emotions. And that’s okay. That’s life.

You can’t control the emotions of others or what happens to you, but you can control your own emotions and logical thought process. Be the person who is justifiably calm when others are freaking out or the one to pick everyone up and make them happy, when they are unhappy.

By controlling your own emotions, you can bring great emotions to the people that you care about and make them feel relaxed, at peace, happy, or excited. This could be true of your spouse, your friends, or people that work for you.

I wouldn’t say the goal is to be a leader, but the goal is definitely to bring out the best self of others when they are around you.

My biggest takeaways with regards to my own behavior

I have a very intense personality when it comes to things I like or goals that I have. I have to remind myself to take a break or take a vacation with regards to work, or that I don’t have to try to be the best at something I’m doing.

I think the best way I’ve found to do that is to develop systems, like I must go out with friends X days of the week or I must schedule fun trips twice a year at these times. Otherwise, I push those things off or find excuses.

I do think that at the root of a lot of success is insecurity. I know that I myself feel insecure about my abilities and who I am, which makes me want to prove myself in large ways. It’s sort of a way of combating inner fear.

At the same time, it’s very easy to deliver a feeling of gratification from “great ideas” or “thoughts.” I do my best to delay the gratification of feeling like I’ve done something, like I’ve built a new successful blog, until I have the hard evidence to show.

Actions and results, not thoughts or words, matter in the long run.

The other big thing that I’ve realized is that my daily, weekly, and monthly behaviors are strongly influenced by habits. I never saw the degree to which habits direct my thinking and behavior until I read this book.

Creating good habits are just like creating business systems. Still working on this, but I’m far more aware of it. The goal is also to be able to instill positive habits in OTHER people’s lives.

Finally, I’ve found that:

1. I’m in search of “feelings” not things. I want to feel certain ways in life. I don’t necessarily want the underlying things.
2. I’m only happy when I’m growing and feel like I’m working towards something big.

The biggest takeaways with regards to business are:

• You must truly do what you love, but also create sustainable habits to kick in when your motivation softens.
• Always think about how you can add leverage to some aspect of your business and take yourself out of the equation.
• There is nothing that compares with hard work over a sustained period of time.
• Always be testing. That’s true of marketing, sales, and new ideas.
• Get to the root of someone else’s success that you admire or want to replicate. Don’t just listen to what they say.
• Accumulate intelligence in your organization. It’s an asset. That could be through self-learning, acquiring smart people, or investing in your employees. Intelligence, when combined with motivation, translates in quality work output.
• Pay attention to the work output of your entire organization more than your own personal work output.
• Keep creating things for other people. It has an exponential effect.
• Ignore 90% of the advice out there. When to pay attention and when to tune out is important.
• Own your skill set. There are things you will naturally suck at or never be as good as others. Understand when to improve and when to bring on partners or outsource.
• Make business friends, not “connections.”
• Quality of income matters more than quantity.

What I want to remember

My biggest accomplishment this year was separating time from money in many ways.

I want to create a conscious strategy to grow my business, personal life, social abilities, and all of the skills in my life so that I am continually moving beyond my comfort zone and continually improving.

Aside from integrating more personality into my business and growing my personal life, I want to put myself out there more in 2016 with videos, live streaming events, public speaking, etc.

(I’m still working on concrete 1-2 new years goals or resolutions).

Lastly, and I mean this in a good way, I want to learn to be an emotional chameleon. I want to be able to invoke different sides of myself in different situations.

Just because I’m making stupid jokes in one area of my life, doesn’t mean I can’t be competitive and respected in another. Just because I have deep thoughts and like to talk about complex topics doesn’t mean that I can’t talk about light or silly things in another area of my life. Just because I may be masculine in one area of my life doesn’t mean I can’t be nurturing in another.

I think that my ultimate purpose is to influence people on this planet, for the better, in some large scale way, whether that’s my employees or people who have read a book I’ve written. Guess we’ll see what I think next year!

My hard accomplishments:

• Doubled income for last several years.
• Websites I own have gotten well over 1 million visits this year
• Podcast did 2ok+ downloads
• Created several digital products